I started therapy. I signed up for as many hours as I could get! I need to understand the past to safeguard my future. I start listing some of the behaviors that frustrated me the most. My first list was a list of broken promises. I was with a very financially successful man. In the course of two years and three months, he promised me the world. He delivered very little. And when he did deliver on his promises, it was with a side of profound hostility and resentments. So here is my starter list; he said “Of course we are going to spend more time together. In fact, I am going to take you to….Germany, Paris, the wine country, New York, Chicago, up north for a weekend. In two years, we went away for two weekends. Once with his family, and the other piggybacked on a work trip. “Of course,” He promised me we were going to spend holidays together. He would NEVER make plans. The last holiday we did NOT spend together, when I asked to make plans, he said “Just because you don’t have a family that does NOT make me responsible for your holiday needs.” He promised we were going to buy a house together, decorate it together; both he did without me. This was not only my the BEGINING of my first list, but the catalyst for my first conversation with my therapist. Because he tried to make me think HIS BROKEN PROMISES were MY DOING, I felt misunderstood, and frustrated. Why in the face of overwhelming evidence did I think he was ever going to make good on any of these broken promises? Moreover, how was I ALWAYS to blame?
Make your list of broken promises. Make a promise to yourself to show it to someone. I suggest a qualified therapist. However, if that is not an option show your list to someone you trust; a friend, a family member someone from your place of worship. Keep the list handy as time goes by you will remember more.