You are doing great! Congratulations! I know it still feels very bad. Keep fighting. Keep your distance. Today, is a chart day to better visualize the ebb and flow of what you have been dealing with. At some point in the relationship, I had started keeping track of all his moods, the ups the downs, the cycles. I tried to remember the patterns in order to understand what might be driving the wide spectrum in his reactions. In hindsight, it was almost predictable. However, in living it from the highs to lows, it was intensely draining. I started linking his secondary addictions which was primarily alcohol, secondary addictions including reckless driving, and compulsive shopping. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, thrilling at first but in time it just made me sick! I have to be honest with myself about the addictions as well as the mistreatment. He drinks every night. It started off as just a glass of wine and maybe, a whisky after dinner. Over time, it turned into two to four pre-dinner whiskies, a full bottle of wine as well as an after dinner drink. Self-interest and mood swings fueled with alcohol was a dangerous mix. He was always ready to ignite the moment I said or did something “wrong.” Like a light switch it would turn from great to tragedy. I was forever policing my comments, thoughts and ideas. If they were not in agreement with his, there would inevitably be a problem.
I remember one incident in particular; he asked me to read something and give him MY opinion. I soon realized I would have been far better served to read it and give him HIS opinion. The night dragged into a vortex of him telling me how much better his insights were over mine. Finally, I agreed giving in to HIS appraisal. I agreed not because I saw the true value of his position, rather I just could not deal with the emotional avalanche that came from not agreeing with him.
To try to better understand what you have been dealing with, chart the patterns of mood swings. Once you have drafted some of the patterns, go the web and look up the “Cluster B Personality Types.” Check out Richard Gronan Spartan life coach. He talks about the different types of Cluster B behaviors. Look up information on the “New Diagnostic Manual” and see if your partner’s behaviors falls in line with the criterion set in the manual. While I was not qualified to render a diagnosis, I could certainly read the criterion and connect the dots.