You are doing great! You finished almost two weeks of NO CONTACT. Stay NO CONTACT! Narcissist are predators, stay out of their hunting ground. If you are accessible, they will ENJOY hurting you. They will ENJOY flaunting a new relationship, a new job, anything is fair game to get a reaction out of you. Your reaction, your hurt, is like their food.
The free falling slowed down, but it is still very hard to fight the random recurring thoughts. I ask myself over and over again Why was loving me so hard for him? Loving him came so easy to me. He was so eager to throw me away; for what? What could I have done better? It is easy to slip back into the FANTASY of “this is a normal person.” That this was a normal relationship. It is hard to remember, I am dealing with a person that delights in hurting me. He is like a tornado. It is his nature to destroy the people closest to him. There are many reasons to feel sorry for the narcissist, but the time to feel bad for him is NOT today. The only way to protect myself is to keep a no contact, no nonsenses distance between me and him. I am continuing my commitment to therapy. I am working hard at both gyms. I am writing, researching, and reclaiming the respect of my family and friends by keeping myself out of the narcissistic space!
Stay NO CONTACT! Do not think about re-entering the narcissistic space. No good will come from it. Continue with the list. As time and distance from him passes, more instances surfaces. Do not be afraid to go back and add to your lists. Remember NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT! NO CONTACT!