There is an entire lexicon developed to be able to speak about the phenomena of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. It is a thing. For example; the term “love-bombing,” (one of the first terms I learned) is what narcissist do to capture the attention of potential prey. The term predator –prey is very common in all the literature describing NPD. And like any predator, he/she knows how to bait the hook to capture his-her intended target. In this case the target, prey was me. He used attention, generosity, time, and promises of a future. He focused on my every need. However, while giving; he was also collecting data, determining vulnerability, accessing weak inroads all to be used to hurt me later. I felt our connection was so special…it inspired my narcissist to do and say all these amazing things. My narcissist used “love bombing” as bait to capture and manipulate my heart. He sent me cards, gave me expensive gifts, called and texted routinely. Each interaction, he made me feel as if I were his ideal woman. As soon as I was hooked, he slowly began to withhold the former mentioned generosities as a kind of reward and punishment. Trying to understand the devolution of the relationship was maddening. Every time I would try to speak of the changing behavior, I was met with overactive rage filled interactions and cruel dialogue. It was always …”there is nothing wrong. You are just making problems and acting crazy…” This is how the conditioning begins!
There are many ways to gain some insight into your torturous last relationship. The most valuable is therapy; private or group. Internet research, and of course the library are both good sources of information. Get familiar with the lexicon, as you begin to define the terms of NPD, you will begin to gain insights into the world of narcissistic personality disorder as well as your attraction to the collateral damage of the abuse that is sure to follow.