I loved and still miss the reflection of myself in his eyes. He saw me as impeccable! Everything about me; resonated back from him into my psyche, as sheer perfection. He saw me as smart, sophisticated, beautiful and more. I began to see myself through that lens. It felt so glorious to be so wonderful. So how could I have been so flawless one moment and so worthless the next?
So why does the narcissist idealize his victims? The simple answer is because he has limited energy. The ongoing drive to be CONTINOUSLY on the hunt for new sources, while maintain old sources of narcissistic supply drains the narcissist’s personal energy resources. As I began my research I learned the narcissist is an addict. His drug of choice is narcotic supply (NS). NS is anyone who adores, praises and glorifies the narcissist. The narcissist is also a hunter. He-she relentlessly hunts for a NS. The narcissist as the addict/hunter is always in pursuit of new fix/prey. These addiction, hunting variables manifest in the personality disorder consumes TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS of ENERGY to manage. Using complex physiological mechanism the narcissist idealizes his victims, thus convincing himself that the people he snares represent the highest quality of NS available.
The narcissist like the hunter uses a tremendous amount of energy to seek out, court, and secure his-her supply-prey, while maintain the old supply. So the narcissist idealizes his prey telling both himself and his victim that she-he is the most unbridled work of perfection he-she has ever known. This allows the narcissist to deem the new NS a high grade supply. This has a huge effect on both the narcissist as well as the prey. In part letting go of the narcissist, is letting go of the ideal vision of oneself.
You are special. There is a beautiful reality to you. Get to know yourself by using some of the ground work your narcissist laid out. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Enjoy writing about the best of you! Make a list of all the things you would like to improve. Become your own best friend by getting to know yourself.