Some days, I feel like I am taking ten steps forward and five back. Because in truth, keeping the NO CONTACT rule is also about internal discipline. It is like fasting for communion. Emotionally fasting, while steeped in hate filled thoughts, seems as counterproductive as keeping the NO CONTACT rule while endlessly obsessing about your narcissist. My narcissist fancied himself unique, special, and unknowable. The longer I stayed with him, the more infected I became with the notion of my own “uniqueness.” I call it an infection because while each of us are indeed unique, his projection of our kind of “special” was artificial, half-baked, and unrealistic. However crazed and idealistic, I bought it hook, line, and sinker. I had not fully formed a strong understanding of myself. I realize now, the importance of knowing who I am. No one should, or can in healthy fashion define me! In keeping all of this in mind, I noted some triggers (WORDS, IMAGES, FRAGRANCES, SONGS, FOODS, PEOPLE, PLACES, BROKEN PROMISES even THE LIES that have the potential of catapulting me back into the abyss. My narcissist understood how to attach himself to me at the cellular level. He brilliantly projected his sense of “uniqueness” unto me, and what I thought was the evolving us. I hear “our” songs, it reminds me of him. I smell “our” fragrance, it reminds me of him. Even trips to “our “special bakery evokes images of the once unique, now lost us. The triggers are like a slow acid drip unto my vulnerable (bad news) and maturing (good news) self-esteem. Each trigger somehow has the potential to remind me I was “NOT SPECAIL ENOUGH!” Each trigger also gives me an opportunity to reframe and redefine my own realistic uniqueness. Each time my internal meta-thinking dialogue- helps me to slay the trigger, I say I am moving forward!
Make a list of trigger words, songs, include places, mutual friends, events, fragrances, foods, broken promises and lies. These mental constructs are all triggers. Once you have identified the trigger words, create an image of yourself as a narcissist slayer. Each time you are triggered use the image of you slaying the trigger. Replace the artificial truth with a strong mental image of yourself slaying the narcissist -trigger. You are playing a mental video game. As the images surface slay them until they stop!