My first relationship, as well as my most recent, was with the same childhood narcissist, revisited 35 years later. As I have mentioned in other posts, the most traumatic moment my young adolescent life was the night he invited me to a party. It was a party with ALL of his friends, including his new girlfriend, who was apparently replacing me. Meeting his new girlfriend up close and personal in full view of all onlookers when I believed I was his girlfriend, was humiliating. He used me as means to make her jealous. This kind of using me, I now understand is called triangulation. He went on to marry her. As I understand it, some years later she went screaming out into the night. I have no doubt this time around, he was grooming me to play the same role with the new girl he was courting while telling me how much he LOVED me!. What I have learned from therapy, and my own personal research is my narcissist LOVES triangulation! While he would deny it to be sure, he cultivated, groomed, and mentioned ALL his ex-relationships…including the one he left me for 35 years ago. The ex-partners as well as all the new gal-pals were always in the mix of our conversations and interactions. “This one said this, that one said that,” all of a sudden I was up against him and THEM! My narcissist LOVED the drama! My narcissist will never NOT be the center of attention! My narcissist will NEVER change! My narcissist will NEVER be happy!
Be honest with yourself. How many other people (girls) were between you and your narcissist? List all the people that he enlisted in his army, include; assistances, family members, friends, housekeepers, landscapers, realtors, decorators, dog walkers, house sitters, check out girls at Meijer…you get the idea. You, him and his harem, is this the kind of intimate relationship life you want?