In the idealization part of my relationship, my narcissist would say things like “We are twins, you are so much like me… we grew up the same way… that is why we are so good together.” In the devaluation stage he would say “We are twins, you are so much like me…we grew up the same way…. We could never make it work because so alike”. Of course the beginning of the phrases are the same, however the underlying thoughts are polarized opposites depending on his mood. When he felt good about himself, it was positive. When he felt bad about himself it was negative. The Narcissist projects. It is an easy way to rid himself of all the internal rage. Projection is a simple defense mechanism… The narcissist does not, cannot think of himself as weak, stupid or unfaithful so projects those feelings onto their target. He merges with the target and it is this kind of merge that makes him like a codependent with a twist. The target is eager to accept the Narcissist’s projections this is called introjection. So the target internalizes and rides the cycles along with the narcissist. The narcissist relieved by his projection causes the target to endure his internal conflict. It is complicated to be sure!!!
Day 40 Your Assignment
Really think about the idealization and devaluation stages of your relationship. Try to imagine all the positive and negative dialogue. Ask yourself who he was really talking about. While here try and separate your thoughts about yourself both positive and negative and those prescribed to you by your narcissist.