My narcissist was one of those high functioning successful types. He started at the bottom and charmed his way up (and in the end down), the corporate ladder. He was a powerful character in his industry, yet he was PROFOUNDLY insecure. I knew it because I was close to him. Knowing about his insecurity was not a good thing for me, because the fact that I knew about his insecurity emphasised his perceived vulnerabilities. Through the watching the Sam Vaknin’s (self-proclaimed narcissist turned therapist) videos I discovered the narcissist’s ego function are suffocated and buried deep within the psyche. In other words narcissist need people outside of themselves to perform these internal functions. What are some of these ego functions? Here are some; reality testing, boundaries, impulse control, judgment, and object relation to name a few. (look for later blogs that will describe the 12 ego functions) It is ironic that both normal and very powerful/successful people may not be able to regulate their internal ego functions. But here is where it gets really weird for the narcissist, the false self is the only one relating with the world, the real ego or the repressed ego for lack of a better word dead! As a result the narcissist thinks of the people performing these functions as somehow internal to him. So in a weird and complex way like the codependent it seems the narcissist merges with his nearest and dearest. As a result of this weird merge it is difficult for the narcissist to see others as people with their own needs, desires and preferences.
Day 42 Your Assignment
When you think back on your relationship, ask yourself were you his/her ego. In other words when you really think about him/her regardless of all the “success” bells and whistles was your narcissist really insecure. Did he need you (and other people) to feed him reality? Was there conflict when your reality feeding was different than other people’s reality and were you always at odds with these other people’s input with him in the center orchestrating? Like how exhausting!!! Think about how nice it will be to find a fully functioning person!!!