All narcissist, without exception abuse. I say this again…all narcissist abuse!!! When a narcissist is acting externally very loving and caring and it appears that there is no way they could be a narcissist and only in retrospect do you realize they were just setting a trap. Love Bombing, on the surface is when you’re inundated with time, attention, gifts, and romantic gestures all in hope of making you feel as if you are THE ONE! Who doesn’t want to believe this is true? How are you able to discern that when someone is being so over the top nice that this could possibly be abuse? While there are many kinds of abuse, let’s talk about manipulation. Manipulation is abuse! So back to “love-bombing”…with the helpful insights of my therapist, I began to understand manipulation is abuse. So if I were an enemy spy, out on an intelligence gathering mission how would I do it? Well, I might endear myself into the good graces of my target. I would side with my enemy, making him believe we were like minded. I would offer gifts and gestures big and small to show my loyalty. I would earn his trust and confidence by showing my vulnerability, all the while gathering lintel for my “homeland” operations…by any other name “love-bombing!” This is a very difficult concept for me to accept, because it means I have to admit that I allowed myself to be in a position to be manipulated-abused, with information I GAVE about myself! It is unthinkable for most people to use sensitive information to hurt each other, however the narcissist uses this information like a road map! By virtue of sharing the tender experiences of my youth, my vulnerably and fears, my narcissist knew exactly and without mercy how to use this information to make me feel bad and ultimately manipulate my life! I gave my narcissist all the ammunition he needed to hurt me time and time again! This is one of the examples as to why it is important to be somehow be healed from childhood trauma before we enter into relationships with others. Abuse can be very subtle. I know that I felt very bad about myself much of the time I spent with my narcissist, despite all the “I love you” phrases exchanged (just like home)! What are some forms of abuse I experienced; lies, shaming, belittling, name calling, ignoring, broken promises all that worked to make me feel unworthy, unappreciative or just crazy!
Did you give information about yourself that was later used to hurt you? The reason for this exercise is not to shame ourselves, it is a reminder that we must be very selective as to whom we share our deepest emotional vulnerabilities and secretes.