Day 44 Keeping Safe and Learning to Lie!

If I were going on vacation, I might put a timer on various lights in the house to give the illusion of someone is home.  I would have no internal struggle with this kind of “I am not vulnerable” acting. Yet in my personal interactions with people, men in particular I hate to admit, I may give the impression that I am vulnerable. Why? Well that is a big question! While I am not sure of the answer to that question, I am sure of the following dynamics. I have come to understand, narcissists, abusers in general are looking for EASY prey, VULNERABLE targets.  Abusers know their target audience.  Hunters gauge their territories, sniffing out alone and vulnerable prey.  Abusers are constantly hunting for opportunities.  Opportunities exist when a person presents themselves susceptible, and alone. Narcissists, as we discussed in earlier blogs have limited energy, they look for the least amount of resistance, so that they ALONE will be the ones in control. The more people in your life, the more difficult it is to isolate you and control you! (Note to reader… understand, as you are reading my thoughts, I am talking more to myself, you the reader are a part of my journey, discoveries and this kind of ongoing conversation of healing I am trying to hold inside my head. I have said this before and I tell you this again, I am not a professional therapist, nor am I trying to present myself as any kind of authority. I am sharing my thoughts, insights and understandings motivated selfishly by trying to make sense out of the craziness of my painful childhood first love revisited and I provide assignments that I found helpful in self-reflection and trying to overcome the narcissistic abuse that so profoundly affected me. I had never considered therapy, nor did I have much faith in Googling my deepest childhood traumas. Yet each day as I read, listen to videos, and give myself to the healing process of therapy, I am deeply moved by the shared experiences of childhood trauma that is common to most of us trying to love people that will simply never love us back!  That is not to say if you came from a sweet and loving family you are immune to abusers.  Abusers and their victims come in all shapes and colors. So we must do all that we can to help keep each other safe…) I went no contact with both my parents almost nine years ago.  They were a toxic mix of withholding emotional support and criticism.  The currency of their love was far more than what I could afford. I carried much of the trauma of my youth, into my adulthood. I was in some ways the walking wounded, and like the empty house, or lone walker on a dark street I put myself in the wrong place…   

Day 44 Your-Our Assignment

Learn to keep yourself safe.  Present like you are busy and well-connected.  Do not feel the need to tell the new casual work acquaintance or someone you just met at a social setting you spent your weekend alone. Do not let on your family relations are strained until someone proves that they are worthy to know your REAL story.  It is ok to give strangers the impression you are not alone.  You are not obligated to share your truth until you are certain (as you can be) that your truth will NOT be used to hurt you.  Avoid stranger danger. Be safe!

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