Narcissist do not let go of people easily, they are COLLECTORS! I remember times when my narcissist would talk about all his ex-girlfriends, and how he prided himself on these “good” relationships he maintained with his “loyal fans”. Some of course he bragged he maintained while he was married…opps! He needed to work hard to reframe that one to others however, I am sure his wife would have been very proud! The HOOVER, which is a nickname given to narcissists because similar to the vacuum by design they continually try to sucks you back into the narcissistic space. The technique is a well known strategy of the narcissist. Remember, as we spoke about in other blogs; the narcissist has limited energy. He is an adrenaline junkie looking to score. His score, narcissistic supply is attention, adulation, applause any and all kinds of attention negative or positive. It is a far more efficient use of their time to try and recycle a known supply then to have to work at new supplies (BTW he is still doing both while “re-courting” you anyways!) Like many of you, I have experienced the “HOOVER.” I will tell you first hand there is nothing more exhilarating than a narcissist returning, hat in hand begging for the love of his life to give him one more chance. It is a beautiful thing to think he has come to his senses and now recognizes my value and worth. However even as you are turning your world inside out to accommodate his “epiphany” deep inside you know it will always be the same, and you are right! It will be a very sweet and quick ride back into an emotionally charged black hole. Keep your nose Narcissists clean!
Day 47 Your assignment
Try not to romanticize the narcissistic home-coming, rather think about all the dynamics that pushed you towards the known abusive ugly relationship outcome. Remember it is unlikely things will change on the side of the narcissist, you are the one that should be motivated to change. While the thought of him pining for you is sweet, remember the truth will be bitter!