Despite my resolve to remain narcissist free, I long for, and at times want desperately to go back to the known and the familiar. It is a deep, almost primordial disposition yearning to somehow make good on the narcissist’s promise of “true love.” Through therapy and research, I discovered my “longing” behavior goes way back into a long ignored, but not forgotten family history of similar broken promises. In order to survive my family dynamics (born into crazy) I learned to reframe the chaos. This was part of me surviving the “crazy-love” of my mother and father. I would say things to myself (now dismissing these same thoughts as a false promise) like “they loved me in their own way…they do the best they can” these phrases are a kind of learned narcissist code. Translated, it means the narcissist can make others feel bad about themselves, so they can feel good about themselves and call it LOVE! More importantly, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I do will ever change that experience! Narcissist NEVER Change! Once I understood, accepting the REALITY of what was really HAPPENING, I could not allow myself to use the same excuses with my “Love relationship” or expect any other outcome! You cannot unring this narcissist bell!!
I am not suggesting the world is a perfect place. People are fallible, not everyone who hurts us is a narcissist. People hurt and disappoint us, as we in turn hurt and disappoint others…however the non-narcissist NEVER enjoys the suffering of others. The non-narcissist does not feed off the pain and frustration of the people they love. The non-narcissist can self-reflect, make adjustments and CHANGE!
Day 48 You Assignment
Ask yourself this question…what are you really missing? Why are you longing to go back? If you do not trust your own judgment, trust the research NOTHING WILL CHANGE! Revisit your relationship in this light of NOTHING WILL CHANGE and really ask yourself do you want to be back with your soul mate in hell?