Sam Vaknin, (a real life narcissist revealed) recently released a new video “Narcissist’s Grandiosity as Cognitive Bias (Kruger-Dunning Effect.)” What I found most interesting about this video, is the idea that narcissist undeniably believes what he believes! In other words, the narcissist IS his own reality tester. The narcissist looks to himself, NOT REALITY, as the ultimate measure of reality. He, NOT REALITY is the unwavering authority. Imagine the strength of conviction that comes from that kind of resolve! I am reminded that the most benign and inconsequential conversations I shared with my narcissist that inevitably ended up in some kind of argument because I did not understand rules! Apparently here is the rule; HE, the narcissist, not reality, remain the measure of reality. My narcissist would rage over the slightest disagreement; attempting to shame me if EVEN my taste ran in a different direction. How could liking one color over another or one drink over another be a problem? Yet it was! (Here is where it gets interesting!) In pop-psychology the mantra of “Act as if!” helps people change behaviors. “Act as if” you are confident, and eventually your brain somehow begins to accept you as confident. “Act as if” you are happy, and eventually your brain begins somehow begins to accept you are happy. You get the idea! Imagine the POWER that comes from not having to “ACT AS IF,” rather to simply “BE AS IF!” The narcissist’s is so twisted, his condition so bizarre, that He thinks HE, not reality, is the measure of reality (Here is where it gets even weirder)! Most narcissist maintain an island of stability. They might be very successful in the workplace, and have dramatic relationship issues. Other narcissist have a stable long term marriages, however are not able to hold a job. So imagine the power of the “N-factor,” if you will, that comes with such a “BE AS IF” position from a person who is able to maintain a measure of success and a kind of stability in their world. The narcissist’s crazy is compelling because it works for them!
Day 49 Your Assignment
Reflect on the notion of reality. Was your relation measured out in the narcissistic reality or real reality? In other words, how much of your relationship life was simply trying to understand the rules? Then ask yourself why would anyone want to go be part of such a twisted game where only ONE person knows the rules…?