As I have said many times, I am NOT a psychologist, or licensed diagnostician of any sort. However, as I began to understand the underpinnings of my narcissist, I began to understand my own bad choices (by means of therapy and research) I discovered all psyches are not equally wired. While I cannot answer with any certainty if the motivations of the narcissist are conscious or unconscious, I can with confidence identify the outcomes of his personality hurt all the same. Some argue, “Psychology “or trying to understand the narcissist is a worthless endeavor however, in the words of Chinese general and military strategist, author of the “The Art Of War”-Sun Tzu- “It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle”. Part of understanding my narcissist, was in discovering the vulnerable drive I have inside myself that draws me time and again to this kind of personality. The ego’s capacity to negotiate with the outside world, requires accurately perceiving and understanding stimuli. This remains a challenge NOT just for the narcissist, but also for those who become trapped in his wake.
Try and imagine yourself as someone outside of yourself, what are your characteristic. What are your strengths? What are your weakness? Take time to reflect on yourself, what are the things that really make you happy and or sad. Make a small character diagram of yourself celebrating your strengths, as well as examining some of the areas of your life that may need improvement. Things take time, this may not be an easy one day exercise.