Ok so abandonment, rejection from a narcissist, is not like cancer, war, total bankruptcy or the annihilation of an entire family. Still it is painful. Fears exploited to manipulate and control, the use of language tactics that contradict action, in other word says one thing and does another, or diminish, hurt, insult, ignore, or debase is abuse. This kind of treatment causes emotional injury. In a formal definition; Psychological abuse, also referred to as psychological violence, emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder- en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological abuse)
For some, rejection and or abandonment is a painful yet familiar vulnerability. For me, it takes me to a place deep inside my head where metaphorical voices remind me I am not ok. As a result of that fear, I spent much of my young life crafting myself into the kind of “pleasure” I am today. (The good news; better today! However, while more self-aware today than ever before, and trying to really be true to myself it is still a challenging transition)! Because my history was more like this… I folded into HIS (his in this case is most of my adult relationships) interests, likes and preferences. In the gaping abyss of what came next, I began to reconcile myself that so much of my life had been standing on the edge of someone else’s life!! It really hit home when I realized my son was going away to college. “The empty nester” experience loomed heavy for a single mother with abandonment anxiety. So what to do? Allowing the more mature part of myself to parent the immature part of myself, I started understanding the underpinning of these insecurities. The internal dialogue is what I would have said as an adult to a child that is feeling frightened about being alone. It is finally turning the light on, looking under the bed, checking all the closets and realizing there is no monster! Staying in a bad place for fear of being alone, is really the monster’s playground!
Day 54 Your Assignment
Imagine your worst fear and parent you way out of it. Allow the more seasoned you to guide the younger you out of the mess, and listen to the advice of the older you!! Think about the advice you might give you son or daughter if they were in a place where there was always so much consternation and anxiety. Listen to the more evolved part of yourself and allow that part to take some control.