Day 58 Devaluation Attempts to Re-write History and Absolve the Narcissist of Wrongdoing!!

Day 58

Writers, write, Singer sing, and painters paint… the gamut of their experience, appeals to the like-minded.  As the world becomes a very chaotic and dangerous neighborhood, there are those that blame the “stupid.”  However basic an intellect presents, there was a time when the brilliant minds of the time asserted the world was flat, that witches walked among us, and that noteworthy art could only exist within a narrow line of expression to be “good.” (You get the idea)  Thank God, for all the “dummies” that came along to challenge the “great” minds of their times!  How does this relate to devaluation and the rewriting of history?  My narcissist was incapable of accepting his role in the demise of anything and so he chooses (time and again) the narrative that gives him the greatest value and the least amount of blame.  As my narcissist was a grand manipulators, intellectual, presented well and very strong in his convictions, it was easy to lose sight of my own truth, allowing HIM the status of the “great” mind. Why? Because clinging to some unfinished piece of emotional immaturity, I was not ready to grow up and really think for myself.  Of course, this was not new to me. I first experienced this in my family of origin. When I did not “go along” with either of my parents assertions of “truth,” the smear was ON!  The smear is an attempt to rewrite collective history so that the “narcissistic truth” replaces truth.  It is very difficult to separate fact from fiction in your familial home.  As a result, I took this underdeveloped skill set (side-stepping my own truth to keep the peace) into my later love relationships.  So that when my narcissist said, “You’re too needy! You’re too demanding! You’re too jealous!” it felt familiar and ok to fold into his version of true.  But was it true…? Perhaps, however, NOT the entire truth!  I am after all to some degree all of those things; I need certain level of trust and intimacy. I demand to understand why there are so many inconsistencies in our conversations. I am jealous when you use other woman to make me feel that I am not THE important woman in you life. So as I began to question His assertions, (and with the help of therapy) I was also able to revisit some of the same rhetoric I remember from my parents. Growing up, it was a natural response for me to accept the “I am the problem role.”  However, that is just not always true. A relationship of any kind, does not exist in a vacuum. It is a partnership. It is a collective good as well as a collective not so good. So it is important to question. It is important to think. It is important to grow. It is important to remember that the great minds of today are often history’s biggest “dumb-bells”!

Day 58 Your Assignment

However farfetched it may seem map out your truth, and then test it.  Are you acting “crazy”? Or is acting “crazy” in this case the desire to commit to weekend plans?? Can you identify situations in your family of origin where the “odd man out” is treated as if they were crazy? Again, these are all soft reflections and are NEVER intended to take the place of REAL therapy.

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