Anyone reading my blog, must realize by now that my ”90 Day Journey” or the journey to break free from my childhood narcissist revisited, has taken a long detour from the original 90 day estimate. What started out as a 90 day journey, literally morphed into almost a year of self-discovery, and recovery. Why did it take so long?? I guess the real work of attempting any kind of healing, takes time. There is no quick fix, at least not for me, when it comes to meaningful change. Another theory, while just a theory, goes something like this; as I began to take control of my life, I consciously gained access to “real” time. I spent years living on the fantasy- fringe of my own experience. Time as I experienced it, was defined along with anxiety, insecurity, fear, consternation and the kind of drama we all know far too well. Finally after months of work comes hope brought about with therapy, insights, leading me towards glimmer of normal on the horizon. As I move towards it, I merge out of fantasy time and into reality time. In the past, childish emotional responses and rhythms acted in harmony with my emotional immaturity. Together these underdeveloped character set the tone for what seemed to be one failure after the next. Perhaps one bad choice after the next! Moving on is not an event, to quote Sam Vaknin rather a process. It starts by admitting there is something wrong, getting help, grieving and properly recalibrating to bring closer, as well as setting new goals. My life is now! I look around and notice others have created something different than I created, but that is their own way of managing and I need to realize that. What does that mean for me? It means if I can identify something better, I can also work towards that end. While there elements of my life I would never trade, there are also areas of my life that need improvement. I have never been more aware of the running meter of life! Each moment, hour, day, week, and year precious; all providing an opportunity for growth and healing!!
Day 61 Your Assignment
Make a declaration to yourself to do something a little different today. Patterns are difficult to identity and even harder to change. Not all patterns are bad and need change. However, if you start small; walk ten minutes after lunch, try a different coffee drink, park in a different place, you may begin to notice more of the patterns of your life and as a result of identifying them, the bad patterns may be easier to change.