There is always that tipping point in any relationship, this was mine! It was this time last year, when I asked my narcissist about plans for Thanksgiving. I asked “so…what are we doing?” Keep in mind this is a week prior to Thanksgiving, we have been dating now for two and a half years and this was going to be our third Thanksgiving holiday together. He responded with “Just because you don’t have a family that doesn’t make me responsible for your holiday needs!” Who could say such a cruel thing to a woman that had spent over the last two years somehow in his care? It was a shattering moment. It was a moment of complete disbelief. Yet however terrible, it was also a moment of self-reckoning. It was that day that I came to realize this man, regardless of what he said, did not truly love me. With the help of therapy and research I came to understand that narcissist are particularly cruel around the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. It is the idea of creating disappointment for their partners that really turns these people on! To be honest with myself there were many occasions that I somehow did not make the A list. There were always excuses and justifications, but it hurt all the same. This was my life, pretending that exclusionary behaviors were normal and that it was ok not to have plans… He enjoyed keeping me on pins a needles. One New Year’s Eve, he walked out of my house and 10 pm because he had to go check on his ex-wife. He went overboard for our first two anniversaries, and then completely forget the third. He threw himself a birthday party and forgot to invite me. He had a party at his home and forgot to include me. He let me sit home alone on the fourth of July to punish me for making him feel guilty. Any chance he had to ruin or hurt me around the most special days became a way of life… But it was that day, prior to thanksgiving that really made me see him and how he saw me, and while it was painful especially in the moment and taken time to learn, heal and grow, I am truly grateful wake up call!!
Day 66 Your Assignment
Narcissist are particularly cruel around the holidays. As the holiday season approaches keep your eyes and mind open. Notice ways in which your narcissist works. Is he making the holidays nice or is he making them a misery??