Day 68 Yes Your Narcissist Misses You…So What!!

Day 68

Warning! What I am going to say is totally unsubstantiated by the research, because as opposed to my experiences all the literature suggests that out of the narcissist’s sight, is out of the narcissist’s mind!  However, I have NOT found this to be true!  I base this assertion ONLY on my experience with my former, one Mr. Narcissist.  My narcissist was in a constant state of postmortem relationship analysis (i.e. of all his past relationships).  In particular he ruminated over his own astounding move of disloyalty towards his lifetime business mentor, which ensured him a substantial career loss.  In addition, he struggled with tenuous relationships with his children, and a plethora of failed intimate relationships which he continued to keep (in his mind anyways) as “friends.”  The more than occasional disgruntled colleague, same sex friend or sibling was also part of his constant rehashing and lack of understanding of what went wrong.  The collateral damage of relationship “rubble” was difficult to deny!  It is like there was always a problem with someone and not him, but he could never figure out exactly what was wrong with them even though he strongly believed it was never a problem with him! The chaos constantly switched between intimate female relationships, his children, siblings, parents including father-type mentor and more. The mental justification to act the way he did was always interesting and went something like this; “look at those idiots, ingrates, they are jealous of my blinding success, spouse, girlfriend, accomplished children… etc.” always the projection of his internal inadequacies turned to anger!  Additionally, it was like when his anger was directed towards one of these people, I felt safe, until once again it was my turn in the narcissistic spotlight! At some point even the narcissist can’t keep telling himself “they are all jealous” and really still believe it.  It was more than just time to time, he questioned and rationalized his behavior constantly.  I observed even though he would rationalize himself as not the problem using the self-twisted rationalization, he still suffered.  Through all my experiences I promise you that even if it was only for a fleeting moment, I did see anguish.   However, so what? Unable to function as an emotionally available adult, struggling with even the slightest concept of self-awareness, trying to constantly to justify the emotional body count left in his wake…moments of self-loathing that never turned into an action plan of better treatment for the people that dare to love him… getting around this, was this how I want to spend the rest of my life?  Is this what I wanted or deserved?   The answer is NO! I have always been drawn to the weird and dysfunctional, but is time to MOVE ON! It is time to say I need something different and at the very least stay away from the CRAZYMAKERS that “MISS ME”!!

Day 68 Your Assignment

Imagine this emotional train wreck does really miss you…so what? It not like you will EVER change him and or get your needs met.  So again I will say to you, imagine he does miss you just as much as you miss him… so what?  He will manage to compartmentalize his hurt and go back to his rationalizations while you will CONTINUE to anguish!  If someone is somewhat balanced, more normal, even slightly self-actualized for more than just a brief moment, love becomes the greatest of all action words!!

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