Day 71 More Maturity, Less Anxiety!

Day 71

Maturity: In psychology, maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned rather than instinctive. Maturity also encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act, according to the circumstances and the culture of the society one lives in.   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maturity_(psychological)

Anxiety: is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints, and rumination. It is the subjectively unpleasant feelings of dread over anticipated events, such as the feeling of imminent death. Anxiety is not the same as fear, which is a response to a real or perceived immediate threat, whereas anxiety is the expectation of future threat. Anxiety is a feeling of uneasiness and worry, usually generalized and unfocused as an overreaction to a situation that is only subjectively seen as menacing. It is often accompanied by muscular tension, restlessness, fatigue and problems in concentration. Anxiety can be appropriate, but when experienced regularly the individual may suffer from an anxiety disorder. en.wikipedia.org · Text under CC-BY-SA license

Finally, outside of the narcissist space, I began to mature.  More like I began to emotionally mature.  I have always been mature in the everyday responsible take care of my son, pay my bills and manage my home kind of way. However, all of a sudden, (a year plus AN (after narcissist)…lol) I began to see my life though a different lens, an emotionally maturing kind of lens.  It was slow at first… taking myself to therapy, committing myself to a twice a day work out routine, catching up on projects, writing, reconnecting with friends and more.  At the unset, the initial effort was herculean because I was in terrible grief over the loss of my narcissist.  Worse yet, I plowed through the loss in a state of perpetual anxiety. This state of anxiety (that I never really understood as odd) was my normal holding pattern. In time, the grief became manageable.  As I matured, the anxiety also lessened. Before this awareness, I spent a great deal of time tied up in an anxiety centered knot, just waiting for the next catastrophic fall out…  This kind of anxiety state, I discovered is NOT everyone’s normal!  Over the course of the year that followed my break up, I began to feel safe in the knowing that I was in better control of my life.  Giving up the dream of my “perfect love,” meant giving up unrealistic expectations of love.  Where albeit the highs were high, the lows were soul crushing and both anxiety driven.  It was an initial shock to my system, always poised for the chaotic fallout. The climate of waiting for the other shoe to drop (as is created by the narcissist) thwarts maturity.  After all if I spend all my time and energy trying to make the narcissist happy (who perpetually makes themselves unhappy) so that nothing bad can happen, it stands to reason something of myself will get lost in the process.  I grew up in this kind of chaos through childhood, and thought nothing odd in the reproduction of it my adult life.  I thought this was the way the world worked!  I am happy to say, I was wrong!

Day 71 Your assignment

The soul crushing anxiety produced by the threat of abandonment is really nasty!!  This is the narcissist long game.  DO NOT buy into it! Try to separate yourself from the “what could be” that causes you the most grief.  With respect to this try to take a step back and list things that are causing you grief based on what is real and possible and what is being dangled in front of you that you will never reach.

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