All relationships create an associative identity based on a shared history. There is a comfort in belonging, perhaps more so for people raised in families that are viewed as emotional “black holes”. I was lucky to have known the steadfast commitment to family that my grandparents provided for me. My grandparents, all four, were good people. What happened to their kids, who knows, I know they were nowhere near parental as my grandparents… the promise of a better future in a forging country may not always mean prosperity on all levels. Regardless, once my grandparents passed holidays, vacations and special occasions were challenging. My narcissist knew this was my weakest spot and used the promise of the “family” card in ways that were both manipulative and cruel. He somehow instinctively knew and understood the grief of living without my grandparents which caused a feeling of loss of family and he used it to hurt me. In truth, for me these “special” holiday days seem to have a lot more weight than they should, as they only really represent a handful of days out of a 365 day year, however small in number these are the times and days that we choose to represent the best of our lives. I know this because these are the photos-hanging on walls, sitting on desk, on the social media that I envy. I envy not in the way that I wish bad things on the people enjoying those moments, rather wishing I could have created more of those moments with my son. What to do? Part of letting go of my narcissist was coming to terms with my grief in other areas of my life. Once I was able to identify the “real” losses, I was also able to grieve those losses and from there move forward.
Day 74 Your Assignment
Try and identify underlying grief in your own life. While not an easy task, it is perhaps a way to free yourself from the narcissistic relationship grief- (that WILL NEVER BE RESOLVED) into resolvable grief. It is hard to remember that your narcissist has NO REAL investment in your life. YOU DO!!!