I grew up in the “never tell what goes on in the house” mentality. In other words, whatever weird or vile thing that took place in the bizarre world of my mother and father were not the kinds of things I was encouraged to share with people outside of my house. This kind of “don’t talk about what happens behind closed doors” mentality breeds a kind of collaboration with the abuser. It is instilled in early childhood as mechanism to levy guilt as a means of silence. This is the EXACT same mechanism of my past narcissistic relationship!! It was a kind of mentality that my narcissist used to emotionally tie me in closer as well as isolate me from others. “They are all jealous of you or (us)” he would say. To paraphrase he would also use the logic; they may be your friends but are not evolved enough to understand us…blah blah! This was also a familiar doctrine preached by my parents in my home of origin. I mention this because as a result of the group recovery setting, I realize this “don’t tell” technique is a widespread platform used to manipulate as well as to keep people quiet about the odd comings and goings of Mr. and Mrs. Narcissist! My new rule is that I do not want to begin or keep relationships that are built on a foundation of keeping sooooooooo many secrets!
Day 82 You Assignment
Personal business is private, and within reason I completely understand and support this notion. However, there is a difference between personal business as opposed to when a person is mistreating you and telling you this is a private affair! Ask yourself if keeping your parents or partners secrets is part of your narrative.