Anxiety, adult attachment disorder and how it all become part of a narcissist relationship! A quick Google search will produce a bounty of information on anxiety, however, this definition is more than enough to make the point!
noun: anxiety; plural noun: anxieties
- a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
“he felt a surge of anxiety”
|synonyms:||worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, agitation, angst, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More
“his anxiety grew”
- desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.
“the housekeeper’s eager anxiety to please”
|synonyms:||eagerness, keenness, desire
“an anxiety to please”
What is Adult Attachment Disorder?
Adult attachment disorder is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction of someone who cannot form intimate, caring bonds with others. The dysfunction may manifest itself as either a rejection of close relationships or a constant demand for them. Many of the signs of attachment disorder in adults overlap with those found in other conditions, such as borderline personality disorder. Signs of a disorder that avoids or rejects intimacy include excessive criticism of others, argumentative behavior, and provoking anger in others. Those who have an intense need for relationships, may be possessive, jealous, and have a heavy dependence on their partners.
Behavioral patterns that continually block any possibility of loving relationships may indicate an attachment disorder. These behaviors are usually self-protective mechanisms to prevent intimacy. On the other side of the spectrum, a person who has an overwhelming desire for a relationship may not seem to have this problem, but may be using attachments as a way to counter insecurity. Many of these individuals risk losing their partners as a result of their constant demands for closeness.
So what do these psychological terms mean to me (you) and the narcissist relationship I (you) am trying to end?? If a person has anxiety or fear about getting close to another person, then selecting a mate incapable of such emotional closeness is perhaps an unconscious way to protect oneself from hurt. These albeit, old childhood hurts or traumas, are not always close enough to the surface to really remember, see and understand. The unconscious is NOT so forgiving, remembering everything! The trauma manifest for each person in ways that prohibits true closeness. If I continue to select people more damaged then myself then how can I be to blame? Well, I didn’t know he was a narcissist, antisocial, a psychopath, (name the ill) I tell myself. However, is that really true? Did I see abuse, neglect, (name the behavior) and make excuses or tell myself he WILL CHANGE! As, I have become more aware of the series of short-lived connections, and ill-fated relationships I have managed to involve myself with, regardless of the WHY OF IT ALL, it is in the end, really me who suffers the most. This is the value of understanding and re-calibrating the internal narratives. As long as I am fearful of real and true intimacy and real and true connection to another person, I will always be drawn to those incapable of true connection, because of my own inability to connect! It is like driven by a divine sense of humor that gives to each of us what we desire most! So if I continue to look for a relationship yet deep inside I am fearful and actual deflect real and true intimacy I will always be drawn to the unavailable, reliving the same childhood drama that has made me who I am today!
Day 87 Your Assignment
Review these terms, do they resonate for you? It is knowing where you are now, that can get you to where you want to be. I guess the most important part of any journey, is understanding (at least attempting to understand) the steps from where you began and where you end. Without a clear vision of both start to finish road will be easily lost. Stay on your course! No matter how long your 90 days take!!