For most of you following my blog, or any other blog about narcissism, the “hoover” is a well-documented part of the narcissist tool box. Briefly, the narcissist objectifies all of his prey. The narcissist continues to see his victims as a part of himself, as a result thinks nothing of returning to feed on them with little regard for their mental wellbeing. The hope is in-between the hoovers, victims are able to assimilate new understandings and insights into old narratives and behaviors. Be strong. Be ready. It is coming! While this is hurtful to be sure, I think that narcissist return for one reason, and one reason ONLY-that is to continue feeding and punishing in order to be able to feed whether consciously or unconsciously (if you or I allow it!) They are very skilled sadistic punishers, feeding off of your hurt. Sadly, I think that there sadistic punishing agendas are simply a way (perhaps the only way) to quiet their own internal shame; one of the very emotions these trauma driven people experience. Regardless of the why of it all, what to do? The inroads for them are astonishingly predictable, hang up calls from unknown numbers that come at times he would always call, texts meant for someone else, a mention of you to someone somewhere somehow, a breach into your life. Ok the day is today, you are face to face with a man (regardless of what he says) his intent is to eventually punish you for loving him and feed from your reaction. None knows this better than you and I… the victims! Everything you have done, all your work, research and therapy can be gone in an instant if you are not careful, so be VERY CAREFUL. KNOW enough to CALL THE END GAME and WALK! That is unless you are legally obligated (i.e. children together) to have some kind of contact, but even in the case of court ordered contact, protect your heart from involvement Move along! Unlike LOT’s wife (looking back at SODOM and GOMORRAH,) (in the old testament the angels said to her “DON’T LOOK BACK”, but she did and paid the price)! To do this you must know well before he returns that NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, you will not allow yourself to look back. This requires mental preparation, discipline and trust in yourself. The inroads to healing my childhood traumas were (are) painful, yet rewarding. No one can heal for me, fake promises of love are like the fake news, don’t believe it!
Day 88 Your Assignment
This is a very difficult post for me as I know and can feel the hoover is coming, I am prepared, but I also know it will be difficult. Be ready and know you are deserving of so much more than the lies you are about to hear. There is an old saying, “When the snow melts, the shit show.” Live in your own springtime!