There is nothing new about the 12 steps recovery model. I wonder if the tool could be used to help those of us trying to break free from abusive narcissistic relationships. Can the twelve steps be used for any addiction? Are narcissist’s addictions? Just as narcissist are addicted to narcissistic supply can narcissistic supply provider also be addicted to narcissists? Certainly anything that aims to takes you high, only to smash you down, that continues to draw you in could be considered a powerful negative addiction. Trade out the word alcohol for narcissist and I wonder if this could be a useful tool for recovery?
- We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
- Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
- Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
- Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
- Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
- Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
- Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I was raised in addiction and unyielding crazy. I prided myself on not being addicted to drugs or alcohol, still could my narcissist be considered my drug of choice? It was in the pastor’s office, as I explained my “love-story” that I began to understand the underpinnings of addiction. As I spoke about the unyielding fear of my narcissist’s inevitable hoover and the shame I felt at the idea of being easily sucked back into his craziness, it became clear to my new counselor that I was an addict of sorts! He identified the source of anything that takes me high, only to smash me down, that compels me to continue to want to be close to it, is a negative addiction. How odd to think that a person could be addicted to another person! Worst yet to be addicted to a person that abuses them! Well if I am addicted to people that continue to hurt and abuse me, then I should be able to break the habit as well! So as I examined the 12 step of breaking free of alcoholism, it made all the sense in the world that I could apply the same tool to abusive relationships. So another tool in the arsenal of recovery. One thing I have learned over the course of this very long journey, that each of us as we struggle in our own way to find our way out!
Review the 12 step program, and see if it can help in breaking free from you narcissist!