Discipline is about being congruent. Acting in harmony with thoughts, words and action defines character. This is discipline. This is being congruent. It is either black or white in this case there is no gray area. In the bazillion shades of gray that most of us eventually settle for and into discipline and being congruent can easily be misaligned. In trying to find my purpose, as I discussed in the previous blogs, I have discovered I was not always acting in being congruent with my thoughts, words and deeds. I lacked discipline. I lacked being congruent. I was not raised to trust my own thoughts. This lack of trust translated poorly into words and deeds as I was not acting in harmony with thoughts, or true feelings. This came from growing up in a place where my thought- or interpretation of reality was punished. If I was not on board with the crazy, my parents would simple dismiss, isolate, or ignore me. As a result, I became fearful of remaining true or congruent with my inner thoughts. I rationalized and justified because somehow the fear of rejection and abandonment outweighed all rational thought. In truth, I had very little trust for my own resolve. This is where I got lost. The messages I received about myself as a young girl did not help me negotiate the world from a position of strength. Growing up, if I did not go with the CRAZY flow, then I was OUT! Who wants doesn’t want to belong i.e. out? The problem with that, is as I became an adult it was an easy path to follow. I have spent the last year and some months steeped in reflection, therapy from two different therapist, I have purged myself into everything from poetry class, music class, jujitsu, boxing, volunteering, and starting new business all the while finding my purpose. In all of this I now realize that the greatest gift to myself is the ability to remain focused on my purpose as I stay in harmony with my thoughts, words and deeds. Remaining disciplined and congruent from thoughts to action plan has been a major positive movement in finding a better way out of “Crazy-Ville” and into “Normal Town”. As I become stronger, I notice that I am not alone in these struggles, I am just for the moment more conscious of my fight.
Listen to, and trust your inner narrative. Be mindful of your thoughts, words and deeds. Stay congruent with all your thoughts, words and actions. Try to be conscience of what you truly desire and work towards that end!