Friendships, like all relationships are not fall back positions. Friendships, relationships are earned –won and lost with every exchange. There is no such thing as we can always just remain friends. Every exchange is an opportunity to move forward or move back. Since I began my journey, in some ways regarding all relationships it has been two steps forward and one step back. It is difficult to erase a life time of behaviors and predispositions. I have cultivated and lost many friendships based on old narratives. Old narratives remind me that my needs are not important. I should try harder to get along. Why risk controversy? Why upset the applecart? Narcissist cause all kinds of mind-twisting drama then ask why can’t we all get along? It is important to be able to discern between my own attention seeking behaviors and those same behaviors from others. Friendships require energy, patience and understanding.
Day 96 Your Assignment
Learning to use your resources wisely.
Life is a habit – I see myself as a recovering accommodator, it is easy for me to fall back into the same kind of relationship again. I am drawn to the peculiar, the abusive, the “unavailable”. It is very easy for me to rationalize bad behavior. I have to work very hard to stay focused on the truth about people and how they treat me. So what to do? Use all means possible to know the people in my life. Google them! Ask about them, try and stay within a known circle of influence. Know a person’s history, and get valid sources to substantiate that history. Other qualities to look for when dating; availability is this person available? People who are in current relationships and marriages no matter what the stories/lies are not available. If someone cannot take you out for dinner they are NOT available. In the process of getting to know someone over time, (and it is definitely recommended do take your time), other things equally important as availability will emerge. For example, does a person remain true to their word or are there many broken promises? When a person breaks a promise to you do they try and explain away the broken promise or do they ignore you? Is everything good until you have a problem? Are you getting at least as much as what you are giving?
Day 95 Your Assignment
When you are attracted to a particular type of person it is tricky to navigate around your sweet spot. This is why you need to remain vigilant. If you are trying too hard and you always coming up short get out sooner than later…chances are this dynamic will not change. Do not be fooled, Assess my needs as you enter new relationships and ask yourself are you getting as much as you are giving.